Bitterness is something many people struggle with, and it is not unique even to those who profess faith in following Jesus. Bitterness can be defined as an emotional state of distress, resentment, or disappointment that develops when expectations are unmet or when a person feels treated unfairly or unjustly. When these feelings remain unresolved and are allowed to grow, they can overflow into every area of life—affecting physical health, mood, emotional well-being, and spiritual well-being.
How does bitterness happen? What is the root cause? There are many situations that can lead to bitterness. A person may be betrayed by a spouse or a friend, treated poorly by others, or disappointed by expectations that were never fulfilled. These experiences can deeply wound the heart and allow bitterness to take root.
One of the most important things we can do when struggling with bitterness is to practice self-reflection and heart examination. We should ask ourselves questions such as: Why am I bitter? What am I desiring right now? What hurt am I holding onto? The Bible teaches that the heart is of great importance. We are commanded to guard and protect it because whatever flows out of our lives is a reflection of what is within our hearts. The book of Proverbs tells us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23).
From a biblical perspective, bitterness often stems from unresolved anger and a lack of forgiveness. Scripture warns believers not to allow bitterness to take root because of the damage it causes within us and among others. In the book of Hebrews we are warned to see to it “that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled” (Hebrews 12:15). Bitterness troubles the heart, burdens the soul, and can negatively influence those around us.The Bible is also clear about what we are to do with bitterness: we are to put it away. The book of Ephesians says, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice” (Ephesians 4:31).
If you are struggling with bitterness and do not know where to begin, start with prayer and honest reflection. A simple journaling exercise can help you process what you are feeling. Write down why you feel bitter, what hurt you have experienced, and bring those emotions before God in prayer. Healing often begins when we honestly acknowledge the condition of our hearts and surrender those burdens to Him
Another important step in overcoming bitterness is forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean pretending that the hurt never happened, excusing sinful behavior, or ignoring injustice. Rather, biblical forgiveness means choosing to release resentment, anger, and the desire for revenge, while entrusting the situation to God. As followers of Christ, we are commanded to forgive others because we ourselves have been forgiven by God. Jesus taught this clearly throughout His ministry, reminding believers that forgiveness should characterize the hearts of His people. In the Gospel of Matthew Jesus says, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (Matthew 6:14). Likewise, in the book of Colossians it instructs believers to “bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13). Forgiveness is often not easy, especially when the wounds are deep, but choosing forgiveness protects the heart from becoming hardened by bitterness and allows healing, peace, and spiritual growth to begin.
Erica Kanson, Biblical Counselor